


Dancing on my own

by imanotaku



Category: NCIS
Genre: And thinking, Angst, Feels, Inspired by Music, Jethro Gibbs is hurting, Jethro loves Tony, Lots of Bourbon, M/M, Not Happy, Not a happy ending!!, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Past Errors, and he regrets everything wrong he did, and regret, music lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 23:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8346220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imanotaku/pseuds/imanotaku
Summary: Gibbs reflects on the way he treated Tony.
WARNING!! A little sad and depressing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get this idea out of my head, so here it is! It has a lot of feels, so bring tissues!!
> 
> Rated M for language.

Somebody _said you got a new friend_  
 _Does she love you better than I can?_

Gibbs sighed, leaning back to stretch his back. Normally, working on his boat would help him calm down, but not tonight. Earlier that day, when Tony and McGee walked into the bullpen, Gibbs heard them talking about Tony's date.   
He was hurting inside; it felt like his stomach was twisting and turning and his heart was being ripped apart. That was a reminder to Gibbs, a reminder about everything he made Tony go through. Him leaving to Mexico, the "You'll do", the fact that he was the last one brought back when the team split... And he was selfish enough to want Tony all to himself.   
Gibbs grabbed his cup of bourbon and drank the whole thing in one sip.

  
_There's a big black sky over my town_   
_I know where you're at, I bet she's around_

Gibbs was angry, knowing that he'd fucked up his friendship with Tony. Because he was an asshole, and also because he wanted Tony like the Saint Bernard he was. Every time the man ran to meet Gibbs steps was a little medal in his record, making the marine happy that they met in Baltimore. But every thing changed. Tony felt like he was being punished when Vance sent him to USS seahawk.  
But now, a normal day in Gibbs book was about solving a case, giving a complement to Tony with sarcastic sentences following after and watch the woman in the office eyeing DiNozzo. Then, he would go home, sand his boat and drink until he fell asleep.

_Yeah, I know it's stupid_   
_I just gotta see it for myself_

Every time a woman spoke to Tony, it broke him inside. The younger man was a womanizer, but even if Gibbs pushed back all his feelings and tried to be professional, he felt like shit. Being jealous all the time and emotionally beating the crap out of his subordinate was making him a wreck. He took the jealousy out on Tony, the man he loved; and yet he would come back running to him. Gibbs looked up, praying to Shennon and his little Kate for mercy, because he couldn't be a better man.

_I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh..._

Gibbs always wondered, after realizing his feelings for the SFA, how a relationship with him would go. Gibbs had three ex-wives in his record, but he doubted that a relationship with Tony would be like that. The younger man knew him, after all the years they spent working together. Tony new the pain a case could bring, more so if someone dies. Gibbs is the on who now his masks, but he has to witness Tony flirt with every women, like a punishment. But he was a marine (and a good one for that matter) and he was going to welcome the punishment, even if it burned inside him.  
Sitting down on the cold floor, he looked at his empty cup and leaned against the wall, sighing.

_I keep dancing on my own._

But Gibbs kept going, hiding all his feelings. And he was good at that. So, with every case the team had, he would put the cold, mean and allways shouting marine mask and go on with his day. Shennon wouldn't approve of this, but he had to, there has on way in hell Gibbs would consider tell Tony his feelings after what he did to him.

_I'm just gonna dance all night  
I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line._

Ducky knew. He always had that power, but the ME said something the man would never forget. "Our dear Anthony is broken, Jethro. He was lost the capability of trusting someone without putting a mask on. The abusive parents, the fact that he was left at the altar, Vance sending him to the USS seahawk... That broke him inside." Jethro knew all of this but it hit him all over again. He was on a one man fight against himself, but Tony was fighting as well. And his behavior caused this. If he had brought the young man first this would never happen. He was out of control, hurting everyone around him.

_Stilettos and broken bottles  
I'm spinning around in circles_

He looked around the dark basement, seeing the amout of bourbon bottles. The alcohol made him forget, but his alcoholism was getting worse. Gibbs knew he had to stop, but he couldn't live with the pain of having disappointed his loved ones. It made him sick just thinking that he wasn't there for his girls or for Tony when he got the plague. It made the marine sick just thinking about the kind of man he was. A monster, to say the least.

_I keep dancing on my own_

But Gibbs knew it was never going to change. He had damaged a perfect man, making him hide his flaws and fears. The SFA hated him, and with reason. But he wasn't strong enough to man up and tell Tony how he felt, so that's why the first thing he did when the marine arrived at the bullpen was ordering a sleeping at his desk Tony to wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> Music:  
> Dancing on my own -Callum Scott


End file.
